I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
