I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Randomize
