I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
