first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
