She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
