if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
i drank out of a bidet.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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