If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
