you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
