dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
