I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
