New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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