I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
