Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Your penis caused this!
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