p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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