I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
