He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
