Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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