I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
