mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
