im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
