Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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