Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
