Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
