I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
