remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
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