3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
