So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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