Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
