"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Randomize
