Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(212): View more from New York

guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME

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(519): View more from Ontario

and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.

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(440): View more from Ohio

Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.

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(214): View more from Texas

Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?

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(506): View more from New Brunswick

They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.

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(724): View more from Pennsylvania

you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer

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(406): View more from Montana

Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?

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(403): View more from Alberta, CA

also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..

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