hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
