Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
