You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
