Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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