I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
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