anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
