I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Randomize
