Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
