so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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