I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
