i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
