New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
