He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
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