Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
