I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
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