I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
