Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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