There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
