if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
