Having a random hookup so left but love u
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
