Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
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