Ambien. No doubt about it.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Randomize
