Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
