Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Randomize
