Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
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