why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Randomize
